i've been thinking about a page like this for a long time and i think it's time to make ts public. whatever it is. read it if you want, leave it otherwise. your choice.

ABOUT ME

hi, i'm.. well, i'm known by different names. muthu, apple, amal, micheal, js call me whatever, i like when people give me nicknames. i love to listen to people yap than yap about myself. i love to learn random shit whether it's good or bad, if i wanna know how something works, i'll deffo learn at least a bit about it. and nah i'm not antisocial, i just fw people who fw me. that's about it. ily twin.

ABOUT YOU

ABOUT THIS

nothing really. i'm lazy af personal but i was thinking about creating a random page to thank everyone by saying something about them. and yes, without even mentioning them. they (or you) gotta find yourself in ts. not a priority based thing (maybe). some might find them in different sections and i'm aware about that. it's just, you're not alone in it if you find like wise. maybe you're included in it, maybe you're not. anyways, thanks to you.

SOCIALS

instagram ....

@mokjr1 // doomscrolling only

discord ......

@cismuc

telegram .....

@DrugOffense // fyi, i don't fw drugs, it's just a username

whatsapp .....

noki irunna mathi

Again About me, detailed.

i'm not innocent enough to be naive or disciplined enough to be boring. I don't want to be mysterious yet i still stay as is, even if i want to be open. Most people just can't keep up. I like depth, tension, anticipation, and people who understand that paying close attention into details is an art. i'm a bad influence. and sometimes it tends to improve people's lives. and i own my own mistakes too.

I love people the way they are and infact, i love to learn them as well. i love the people who tell me that what i did was wrong instead of keeping a distance. and also, i'm here with my own bad habbits. i might not call first. but whenever people need me, i'll be always one text/call away from them. i love to listen. i find peace in listening to people. whether it is good, bad, happy, sad, any kinda shi, i'm always happy to listen, and i will always be. if you trust me enough, if you think i'm a safe person, i'll be always greatfull.

i love gaming, coding, and i find some random ah shi interesting. maybe people, maybe tech, always random. fuk this is not a resume but whatever, you're here to read. read it. and am a passiv overthinker. i overthink when i get bored. just hurting my selef in my head. but issoke. Sometimes I get something out of it, too. Like getting an instinct that someone close to me is betraying me, and then it happens. just don't know how that bluetooth kinda connection works but wtv. it's life. i'm enjoying it.

One deep talk with me and you'll see i'm not the person everybody thinks i am. i'll be the complicated person you'll ever see. I am paradoxical and unlovable. my grief is weird because the person i want to tell about my life the most, is the person i can't call. I like to be happy yet I think about sad things.I say I don't care when i care too much deep into my bones. I love deep conversations. i love too deeply, feel too much, and i will notice what others miss. i choose people by their energy and places by their silence. i've healed people but i broke my own by trying to fix them. I love to listen but i never tell anyone what's inside me. some see me as a light, some as a wound; some call me gentle, and some call me cruel. But perhaps, I'm neither. I'm only the shape their hands created, a different soul for every way i was treated.

Be real

Guts darling guts. You've to be full of it that nothing scares you anymore. because only you know what it takes to be you and what you pay for it. so act like tf you are.

To people who overthinks over connections they're trying to keep, including me

When you matter, you'll know. you won't know because someone tells you, but they'll show it to you. Effort never lies. the people who love you show it by choosing you, in their own ways. They don't see time with you as something to fit in but as something worth making space for. If someone can't do that, it's not because they lack time but because they don't want to make time for you. They're not prioritizing you.

Over communicating is a form of begging. they hear you, they simply don't care. just stop it. It's always a choice. If someone is haapy without you, let them be. Stop chasing them at the cost of your self-respect. Put where it belongs! Let it go. and find people who choose you.

To the people who love to listen others

You know, you're doing a great thing. You're rare. Every human need another human to listen then. Allel ellarum ottakayi povoole?? And when you do, when you touch a human soul, be just another human soul. you'll never know how things bothers them. you'll never know how hard it is for them even if it looks like silly to you. even if it's silly as a dust, listen to them. don't take advantage of them. don't even make them question themself about things that shared with you. be kind. it's not your place to give your opinions unless they ask to.

To the aethists

Nobody laughs at God while fighting for breath in a hospital. Nobody laughs at Him when they hear an explosion. Nobody laughs when the plane starts shaking. No one thinks faith is foolish when danger surrounds. So believe what you need but don't judge others.

To that one person i'm secretly in love with.

My intention for you are pure, it will always be. I want to learn more about you and I want to be there with you when you need someone to vent out what you are feeling. I want to see you in all stages whether you are annoyed, sad, happy, angry, i want to be with you all through of.

i hope you know that loving you has never felt like something i had to learn; it feels more like something in me quietly knew before i did. i want to be the person who remembers that you like your fruit cut a certain way, the way you prepare your coffee, the "why"s in your likes/favourites. if there is one thing i wish i could give you, it would be a little window into my mind on all the ordinary days when you aren't looking, so you could see how often you appear there without even trying. i want a life with you that is made mostly of tiny things no one else would understand, namely your glass beside mine, arguing about what to order and then ordering both, falling asleep halfway through a movie we promised to finish. i want to know all your little preferences so intimately that loving you sometimes looks like doing something before you even realise you wanted it done. i want to be the person you can call when you have nothing interesting to say, because i think there is something about being someone's favourite person even when there is nothing to talk about.

beneath all the yearning, i'm aware that i need to let you go. Tell me, what if i miss you for the rest of my life?

So as my last act of love, i'll let you go and forget that you were my bestfriend.

To people who are going through a heart break

Let me be just honest with you. You'll never move on! but the intensity of the thoughts and feelings will go lower over time. Time will fix everything. you'll be capable of loving again so don't worry. if they didn't stay they were never the right person

No one forgets. everyone remembers everything, always, somewhere. don't hold to the false hope that "time heals everything". Time doesn't heal, but it'll fix. Your death is more guarenteed than your wedding day. so instead of looking the love of your life, start living your life with love.

To who are keeping my secrets.

I'm glad that i've met you in my life. Maybe you know a little. Maybe you know something that no one else does. But I'm glad that you're keeping what i said, I'm glad that you're keeping the promise. And I hope that you'll never threaten me w it.